One of the women had a lot to say, much positive and also much constructive criticism. Some of what she said I agreed with and some I didn't. However, one thing that she was spot on about was a post that I'd written about depression. I am nowhere near publication--I am showing my book to get an idea and make sure that I'm heading in the right direction. The later parts especially are in the beginning stages. Many of them are blogposts that I've simply transferred over for right now, and that was one of them.
She didn't understand that, and she was concerned about my state of mind. The post, to her, seemed full of anger and was very defensive. She wondered, given the post, if I was really far enough on my journey to write such a book as this. I didn't disagree. But that's the thing: the blog was written during a really hard time, and I was writing specifically about my issues dealing with depression at that time. I have changed since then. I am not who I used to be.
But it got me thinking: how can you tell if you're past it? Well, in some ways I doubt that you're ever totally "past it" when it comes to trauma, grieving, and the like. I know that i will deal with depression and the aftereffects of the hurt that I went through throughout my life. There will be times when I fall down.
What makes me realize, though, that I am far enough on the road to recover to be thinking about helping others is the way that I am able to receive. I am no longer walled up inside myself, a tightly-wrapped ball of hurt ready to lash out at anyone who comes close. I am able to deal with others and myself. I am able to see the beauty of little things, like a clean house and a quiet heart.
Also, I know that I'm significantly down the road for the simple reason that hearing others' criticism didn't destroy me. I was able to receive it with a glad heart, knowing that they were trying to think about what was best for me. I couldn't have done that even two years ago.
How do you know you're past it? You know because you once again feel human. And I finally do, praise God!